Starting Over.

I thought about starting over.  Starting a new blog with where I am now.  I thought about different names, titles, and what my new blog would be about.  Then I thought about the title "Jack of All Trades."  I love that title.  It can allow this blog to be about anything I want it to be. Jack of All Trades...Master of None.  Why is the Jack never a Master? Because a "Jack" is always learning, willing to try something new.  I don't want to become a master at something and become so comfortable, that I am not willing to push myself to try something new.  I want to always be a Jack of All Trades.

I know I have been MIA.  For a long time... like 3 years long time.  I don't have excuses, but I'd love to share where I have been and where I am heading.

There have been MONSTEROUS changes in my life in the last 3 years.  It's pretty amazing to look back and see God in it all.  He is so good.

What had happened was....

• In the spring of 2013, my former high school principal called me out of the blue the week after Spring Break wanting to know if I wanted to come back.  (this was 4 years to the week when I lost my art teaching job, and you can read more of that here
• After much deliberating, I took the art position at the high school, and taught ART I again in the 2013-2014 school year (Awesome!!! Living the dream again!)
• For 3+ years (39 months to be exact) my husband and I had battled with infertility.  I never really shared about it on this blog, mainly because I wanted to hide it.   There is a lot of shame that goes with infertility, especially when the doctors can give you NO rhyme or reason as to why you have to endure it.  But even though I never shared with blogland, I did share with my church, friends, and family, who all prayed and carried this burden with us for that long of a time.
• I found out I was pregnant on Nov 14, 2013 (my brother's birthday) and I will write a post on infertility and how GOD PROVIED EVEN IN MY DECLARING DOUBT!! The Children's Pastor, declaring her doubt that God would perform the miracle... not that He couldn't, but that He wouldn't.  Yep.... I did that in my weakness, and God brought me to my knees and my face to the ground. 
• After completing that 1 year back at the high school, I resigned from teaching professionally to be a Stay-at-Home Mom!  After the battle with infertility, and witnessing God's gift of grace, I could not pass the opportunity to be the mom I always wanted to be.
• I am still working part-time for my church as the Children's Pastor, so I still get my teaching fix 2x's a week, which I need.
• My little girl is 18 months now.  I have been looking forward to teaching her at home.  I have come across some ideas called "Tot School" that I am still researching into. 

Teaching is a gift that I absolutely love.  I know it is a gift God has given me.  He has instilled the passion within me to strive and teach whatever it is that He guides me to.  Teaching continues to evolve for me.  From elementary school, to middle school, to high school, to church, and now as a mother, God has gifted me with so many ways to touch lives through the investment of teaching. 

This blog was meant for teachers,  but now I am not a professional teacher in the field.  However, in the end,  WE ALL ARE TEACHERS.  We all have the opportunity to teach someone, to invest in another human being, to help them become better than they were when you met them.

So I will stay and continue to let God teach me how to be a Jack of All Trades.

(and I am hoping to post bi-montly! small steps friends, small steps.)

Hi, my name is Leslie and I am a CONTROL FREAK.

I am.  I think that's the first step to recovery... admittance.  I am a total control freak, and I wonder if most teachers are.  Yesterday it hit me full force... literally... I slapped my forehead.  I couldn't believe how much of a control freak I have been.  Now don't get me wrong, there are definite advantages to my controlling side, but lately I have noticed the faults.

Too bad I cant make a nice graphic organizer on my blog.  I'd totally make a Venn diagram organizing the advantages and disadvantages of my control freak side.  That's pretty psycho I must say... organizing it... ugh.... lol...

I started wondering why am I like this?  Why do I get SO FRUSTRATED when my expectations are not met?  I have found that in the past 2 years, I have been given much to be responsible for; thus having to control things to make sure my responsibilities are met. 

“With great power comes great responsibility.” 

-Stan Les's Spiderman

When someone has been given much, he has much power and much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required. 

(Luke 12:48)

 
I don't know about you... but I don't know anything more powerful than given the responsibility of shaping young minds, guiding their character, and instilling values you hope and pray they will carry on throughout their lives

 

Spring has sprung in my school and my classroom, and as much as I have been awaiting this wonderful season, it also means that my students go craaaaazy.  This process causes their teacher to pull the reins on her controlling ways.   I've got to learn to let things go.  The main lesson in the classroom is that the students are engaged in their learning, and they ARE LEARNING.  Not me stifling their creativity and telling them HOW I would do it.  It's so hard to relinquish control especially when I want things done a certain way.  

I mean I have EVERYTHING labeled in my room.  I have set to the routine so soundly.  I do not detour from the structure of my classroom (at least I try to avoid it as much as possible.) However lately, I have thought, as nice as it is to have a plan in place for each and everything imaginable, I am not in control. PERIOD.    Only God is.  

So when my plan is deviated, and my students see my face of frustration (especially if I have planned forever), they witness a person who can't handle losing control.  That is not the person I want to be.  I want them to see someone who is prepared and organized, but knows how to roll with the punches.  It's hard to do that graciously.  

So as I breathe over my spring break, and rejuvenate, I will be praying for GRACE to be in me.  For me to give kindness, love and not flying off the handle (like I tend to do) at my students when things don't go just the way I want, would be such a great testimony to my Christian faith.  It's so hard sometimes.  To extend grace is definitely not my first thought...it's AAAGHHH!!! Why cant you just do what I told you to do the first 3 times I said it!!!!  I wonder if that is how God looked at the Israelites in the Old Testament, or how Jesus looks at me sometimes.  But I am pretty sure He just smiles and shakes His head and laughs at my antics, and sends His Spirit to me to say, "Now Leslie.  Is that really how you want to handle this situation? These kids are God's children too."

Yep.  How can I get frustrated so easily with His creations?  It's hard to remember that too.  It is not my first thought either...more like thought 127.... not good....

I know this is a constant growing process for me.  God's plan for me has always seemed to revolve around the concept of me giving up control and trusting Him completely.  So easy to say, so difficult to do for a control freak like myself.  But the first step is admittance.  Now onto step 2.