Hi, my name is Leslie and I am a CONTROL FREAK.

I am.  I think that's the first step to recovery... admittance.  I am a total control freak, and I wonder if most teachers are.  Yesterday it hit me full force... literally... I slapped my forehead.  I couldn't believe how much of a control freak I have been.  Now don't get me wrong, there are definite advantages to my controlling side, but lately I have noticed the faults.

Too bad I cant make a nice graphic organizer on my blog.  I'd totally make a Venn diagram organizing the advantages and disadvantages of my control freak side.  That's pretty psycho I must say... organizing it... ugh.... lol...

I started wondering why am I like this?  Why do I get SO FRUSTRATED when my expectations are not met?  I have found that in the past 2 years, I have been given much to be responsible for; thus having to control things to make sure my responsibilities are met. 

“With great power comes great responsibility.” 

-Stan Les's Spiderman

When someone has been given much, he has much power and much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required. 

(Luke 12:48)

 
I don't know about you... but I don't know anything more powerful than given the responsibility of shaping young minds, guiding their character, and instilling values you hope and pray they will carry on throughout their lives

 

Spring has sprung in my school and my classroom, and as much as I have been awaiting this wonderful season, it also means that my students go craaaaazy.  This process causes their teacher to pull the reins on her controlling ways.   I've got to learn to let things go.  The main lesson in the classroom is that the students are engaged in their learning, and they ARE LEARNING.  Not me stifling their creativity and telling them HOW I would do it.  It's so hard to relinquish control especially when I want things done a certain way.  

I mean I have EVERYTHING labeled in my room.  I have set to the routine so soundly.  I do not detour from the structure of my classroom (at least I try to avoid it as much as possible.) However lately, I have thought, as nice as it is to have a plan in place for each and everything imaginable, I am not in control. PERIOD.    Only God is.  

So when my plan is deviated, and my students see my face of frustration (especially if I have planned forever), they witness a person who can't handle losing control.  That is not the person I want to be.  I want them to see someone who is prepared and organized, but knows how to roll with the punches.  It's hard to do that graciously.  

So as I breathe over my spring break, and rejuvenate, I will be praying for GRACE to be in me.  For me to give kindness, love and not flying off the handle (like I tend to do) at my students when things don't go just the way I want, would be such a great testimony to my Christian faith.  It's so hard sometimes.  To extend grace is definitely not my first thought...it's AAAGHHH!!! Why cant you just do what I told you to do the first 3 times I said it!!!!  I wonder if that is how God looked at the Israelites in the Old Testament, or how Jesus looks at me sometimes.  But I am pretty sure He just smiles and shakes His head and laughs at my antics, and sends His Spirit to me to say, "Now Leslie.  Is that really how you want to handle this situation? These kids are God's children too."

Yep.  How can I get frustrated so easily with His creations?  It's hard to remember that too.  It is not my first thought either...more like thought 127.... not good....

I know this is a constant growing process for me.  God's plan for me has always seemed to revolve around the concept of me giving up control and trusting Him completely.  So easy to say, so difficult to do for a control freak like myself.  But the first step is admittance.  Now onto step 2. 

What's New?

What's new with you? For me... I am living in a world called NEW.   A new school year, a new batch of kiddos to love and teach, a new subject (added the Wednesday before school started), a new teacher to our 6th grade team.... make that 2.... starting Wednesday.... a new beginning for my partner teacher and great friend.
Ah, "new".... how do I love you?!  Gotta admit, all this newness is about to make all my hair fall out not to mention my face wont quit with the breakouts!  Ugh "new".... I am definitely not liking you.  Its the end of the 4th week of school and I am trying so hard to keep my head from spinning from all the new things happening in my life!
Let me share a little into my whirlpool of a year so far.... but please do not think that I am complaining.... its just what is happening right now... well I am complaining about my breakouts but how do you look at the bright side of that?!?!  anyway..... here's the 411.

• August 14--- I had surgery and was laid up on the couch for 2 days.  I have to admit my husband was pretty awesome!  and I didn't have to do any cleaning :)
• August 17--- First day of in-service.... on a FRIDAY.... ummmm who does that?? Its like saying "Bwahahaha... no more 3 day weekend for you for the next 9 months.... bwahahaha."  Friday in-service is no bueno.  <---- complaint???  truth????  tomato (long a).... tomato (short a).... I just LOLed telling you how to pronounce my writing.... kinda stupid of me....... I digress....
• August 22---Wednesday before school starts.... my partner in crime... AKA our 6th grade ELA/SS teacher gets a job offer in a school district far away in "the city."  Tears and sobbing... loud...
• Sobs and more tears....... wait....... shes going to stay 4 weeks..... smiles..... tears and smiles...... at least its not sobs so much......
• August 22--- I tell my principal that I will teach SS.  There is NO WAY I would or wanted to throw a new teacher without a summer and 2 months late into the school year with 2 subjects to teach and one in a STARR tested area while the light of Heaven shined down in my classroom of only having to teach one subject....Science.   That would be torturous for that new teacher..... my future partner.... and I wasn't going to do that to her/him..... but most likely her.... no offense men-folk.  So I took Social Studies... World Cultures.  Ummmm this is NEW for me.  
• August 27---- the first day of school.  We have a 3 way switch.  Total of 61 students.... wait for it.... 15 have ARD papers.... BOOM-Shaka-laka!!!!!   Yeah..... that's a lot... out of 61... BUT---- these kids ask some of the most thoughtful questions and have the BEST personalities that keep me smiling all day long.  I am learning something new each day teaching them.  I. LOVE. MY. KIDS! I might even give y'all a quote of the day!  we will see....They are pretty hilarious.  :)
• September.... what is today(21).... 19.... September 19--- Tuesday.   Interview 3 teachers who have no experience.... but that's okay.... as long as she has the drive..... (no men-folk applied)  Picked an awesome mom who is eager to teach and hired her.  Mrs. Newsome (pretty perfect name and no.... I did NOT make that up.... I couldn't make this stuff up)
• Fast forward to next Tuesday.... September 25.... my partner in crime's last day.  I already can't stop my eyes from watering when I think about her leaving.  She has been my rock for over a year.  I haven't really talked much about my personal life outside of the classroom, but she held my hand through the past year of having to deal with infertility.   I am still at war (going over 2 years now) with infertility and I get so sad over my own selfishness.  Ugh..... I am not ready to go there today.
• Obviously Tuesdays are not my days.  

 And so my NEW year has begun; yet it starts again next Tuesday with a new partner that I am really excited to get to know and mentor, but that day will definitely be bitter sweet.  Embracing change.... running towards the new is tough sometimes, but if I didn't, I wouldn't be a Jack of all Trades.... or at least trying to be. 

Beth Moore Rocks My World!!

Well.... she doesn't really rock my world, but her TEACHING does!  If you do not know who Beth Moore is, she is a Christian author who writes Bible studies mainly for women. She also makes videos so that you can do the study in a small group setting whether in the home or at church.  I did a study on the book of Revelations by her last year, but now I started a new one on the book of James.

Did you know Jesus had a brother (2nd oldest... besides Jesus) named James??  I knew He had some siblings, but for some reason it never hit me that it was James!!!  Matthew 13:55-56 states," Isn't this the carpenter's son?  Isn't his mother's name Mary and aren't his brothers James, Joseph, Simon and Judas?" ummm.... how did I miss that earlier!?!?!

We had our first meeting on Tuesday night and man did I need it!!! I had a HORRIBLE day!! My students were awful, they would not STOP talking over me, my workout was cancelled, and I cant even tell you how many people acted as if they could not see my car on the road.  Sometimes I really wonder if my car has some invisible button that I accidentally press... but it always seems to happen.  Yep... I needed a Bible Study after this day.  And man did Beth bring it!  There were points where I was literally thinking... "umm... how did you get into my head and see what has been bothering me for so long???  How did you know that?"

I digress.... the whole point is I want to share about the daily devotional time which I do in the morning.  The other day, part of the homework was to create a timeline depicting the events where you have SEEN GOD AT WORK in your life.  I have not done an art project for myself in so long, and I could not wait to do this one. I have been thinking about it for 2 days now! So tonight I created this timeline.

My whole timeline

Where I lost my High School Art teaching job.

My Favorite Verse: Jeremiah 29:11

Marrying my husband Jason is at the highest point of my timeline. 

I used sharpie markers first drawing and writing everything I wanted.  If you have read my About Me section my timeline consisted of mainly those events.

By doing this project and studying this Bible Study, I came to a realization this week:

Satan orchestrates the bad things that happen to us, but God is the one who will take it, redeem it, and set a purpose for it.  All I have to do is bring it to Him.

And I am sure you would all agree... that sometimes taking it to Him is so hard.  We think that God wont take these bad things from us.... they're too awful... but He will.  He wants to.  He wants to free you and me and give a purpose to that awful thing that happened.  The real question for us is: Will We Let Him?

I hope you all have a very blessed week and happy Spring Break!!!